I am a planner. I enjoy having a detailed outline of what I want to accomplish for any given day or week. I tend to look weeks and months ahead and have a general idea of where I’m going. Running two businesses, being involved in church and civic activities and going back to school necessitates that I use my time wisely so that I can do everything that needs to get done. However, I’m in a season of life right now where my planning skills really cannot be used. I’m waiting for God to resolve certain things in my life, and until He provides these answers, I cannot do my usual planning and outlining. How do I feel about this? What is God trying to teach me in this season of no clear direction?
To answer the first question, I feel unnerved and uncomfortable. I want to be able to say with some certainty that I’ll be able to participate in such-and-such activity in a couple of months, but right now I just can’t do that. I’m in a position right now where I can’t say with any clarity what will be happening in my life even over the next couple of weeks. I’ve never been in this position before and frankly, I don’t like it!
Look at what the word of God says in James chapter 4, starting at verse 13:
Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”
Who are we to say what we will do next week, next month or next year? Who’s sovereign, us or God? James says our lives are but a vapor. So because of that, when we make plans, we make them in light of what God says and not in light of what we say or think. We preface our plans with “if it’s the Lord’s will,” keeping in mind that He can do whatever He wants to do (or not). And we rest in the fact that even though we don’t have all the answers and can’t see a clear path, we trust the One who can see the end from the beginning. We trust God’s sovereignty and His omniscience. We believe in His omnipresence and His omnipotence. That is what God is trying to teach me in this time…to rest in Him, to truly abide in Him.
So, right now I’m working on putting down my planner’s notebook, pen, and calendar. I’m asking God to help me be content in this suspended state I find myself in. And I’m being reminded that God is still God, even in the midst of questions with no answers. And I am, literally, taking life one day at a time.