Helping women live victorious lives in Christ

Posts tagged ‘disappointment’

Dealing with Difficult People

We deal with difficult people on a regular basis…that co-worker who never speaks to you, the church member who never has anything nice to say, or that neighbor who complains about everything and everyone on your block.  We can try not to interact with these people (as much as possible) to not be pulled into their drama. But…what if the difficult person is your life is someone very close you, someone you just can’t avoid?  Are you living with a difficult spouse or child?  What about a close friend?  These are people you just don’t want to write off, but it seems to be getting more and more difficult to deal with them.  I’m experiencing this right now, so let me share with you how I’m trying to deal…

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The first thing to recognize about this difficult person is that he or she is wounded.  Negative things happen to all of us (divorce, job loss, rejection, failure, etc.), but sometimes those negative experiences have a negative effect on a person long after the experience has ended. They haven’t dealt with the hurt or disappointment that came as a result of the past situation, and it’s festering in their minds and souls.  Maybe they were in a previous abusive relationship, and now they don’t trust you in the current relationship. Or maybe they grew up being blamed for everything and now they become very defensive when someone tries to constructively help them.    Knowing what the person has been through helps you to put their behavior in context.  It does NOT excuse their behavior (let me be clear on that), but at least you can understand where the behavior may be coming from.  And knowing their past experiences may help you be more compassionate toward that person.

Then, you should pray for that person.  Prayer will soften your heart toward him or her and help you not become bitter and resentful (the last thing you need is two angry and bitter people trying to be in relationship with one another).  Ask God to heal that person’s brokenness, ask God to help them see how their behavior affects others, and ask God to give you a forgiving spirit as you interact with that person.  Trust that God can transform anyone.  According to 2 Corinthians 3:18, “And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”  Pray that God will transform that person to reflect more of God’s image, and in the process, He will also transform you to reflect more of God’s image.

Scripture commands to do this: “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” (Romans 12:18, KJV) Try your best to do your part to live peaceably with the difficult person in your life.  It’s not always easy, but when they lash out at you, try not to lash back (did I say that it’s not easy??)  This doesn’t mean be a doormat, but there is a time and place to address the situation with the difficult person (and the best time is probably not in the middle of a confrontation).  Ask God to give you wisdom to know when to address the issue and the words to say (with the right emotional temperament).

I pray this encourages you, as it reminds me what I need to do in my own situation.  I would love to hear your comments, so please feel free to share your thoughts.

Dealing with Disappointment

Whenever I write, I am writing from my own experiences, and this post is no different. My hope is that when I write, I can bless someone else who may be going through the same thing that I am (or have).

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Disappointment is a feeling that at some time or another we all experience. We may be disappointed that our favorite sport team didn’t win like we thought they would, or we may feel disappointed when we’re planning a trip to the beach, but the weather forecast calls for rain all day. At the moment, these turn of events negatively affect us, but soon we’re over it and on to the next thing….we continue to root for our favorite team (or change teams) or we change our plans and decide to hit the beach another day. These are what most people would consider minor, but what about those disappointments that are not so minor?

Here are a few examples of the kind of disappointments I’m talking about: the person we planned to spend the rest of our lives with decides he or she no longer wants to be married to us; one of our children didn’t turn out the way we raised them to; the life that we envisioned growing up is not what we’re currently experiencing, and there seems to be no hope for things turning around in our favor. This list can go on, but you get my point. We just don’t ‘get over’ these major disappointments in our lives, but we have to somehow find a way to deal with them. If we don’t what will become of our lives? Will we be in a perpetual state of misery because things didn’t turn out the way we wanted them to?

I don’t believe God wants us to live this way. Just like the title of this site states, I believe God wants us to have a victorious journey. And it’s through Him (and only Him) that we can experience this.

So, how do we deal with disappointment? We can first cry out to God and be honest about how we feel. It’s ok to ask questions and wonder why circumstances didn’t turn out the way we’d hoped, planned and prayed. And certainly, if God created and maintains the universe, then He can handle our questions. Check out the example of David in the Psalms: “In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears.” (Psalm 18:6 NIV) What a blessing it is to know that in our distress we can call out to the Lord, and not only that, we can rest assured that he does hear us. Our cries are not falling on deaf ears!

We can also go to the Word of God to remind ourselves of God’s promises to us. Look at what Peter writes to the early church (this also applies to us): “His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.”(2 Peter 1:4, NIV) One of the key words in this passage (in my opinion is ‘knowledge.’ We have everything we need for a godly life through the knowledge of God, and we obtain that knowledge from the Word of God (remember this scripture: “Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God”? Romans 10:17)

Lastly, we should trust God and His word. When we are in the throes of experiencing disappointment, this is when our faith comes in. We’ve read the word, we’ve prayed, and now we must trust that God knows exactly what he’s doing. Even if things never change, if we never receive the desire of our heart, we can rest assured that God said he would “never leave us nor forsake us.” (Hebrews 13:5b) This scripture in particular has helped me navigate through disappointment, and it helps remind that God really does have a plan for my life, and that’s it’s in His hands to make it come to pass.

This post is a bit longer than I would normally write, but it’s particularly relevant to me. Although the idea of this topic came to me months ago, it’s very interesting to know that I’ve only been led to write it today, 2 days after Mother’s Day Not having had the experience of motherhood, this particular Mother’s Day was very difficult for me. So again, I’m writing this, not as just glib points, but real life experiences. I may never receive the desire of my heart in this area, but I’m TRUSTING that God’s plan for my life is perfect and that He will not leave me or forsake me.